Something came to my mind today and it started with a conversation. A conversation I had with a friend of mine caused me to think about sex offenders in our country. they are regarded with disdain and considered outcast, mentally ill, and unwelcome people. Somehow most Americans think rapists or perverts are special case, messed up people ... diseased. I don't contradict that these people need help or that they have done something despicable and deserving of punishment.
Here's my issue though. Most Americans, including myself, believe sex offenders should control their desires because they are most likely unwelcome. When they cave in, we curse them for it - and rightly so. But flip the coin and you find most Americans condoning sex outside of marriage, even for teens. In my experience, most sexually active individuals, when asked why they didn't wait for marriage, said they simply couldn't help it. A typical response goes like this: "It's the way we are. We are sexually charged creatures and to not have sex would cause us to probably explode in agony." So what about the people who can't get laid and are forced, by their sexual nature, to engage in unwelcome sexual acts. they too are sexual, but maybe nobody will sleep with them. We accept two people who mutually can't control their sexual desires, but we condemn the one who cannot when he takes advantage of one who can. There's a duality here in our culture.
To be clear, I don't condone any sort of sexual deviancy. I believe we all have the ability to control our desires, but that ability comes from Christ through discipline and sound decision making. My opinion on mutual sex outside of marriage is also that we should control our desires. If we force sex offenders to control their desires (whether natural or perverse), we must also be able to control ours ... and that's what I believe. So enough calling Christians hypocrites, we're all hypocrites - get over it and start relying on the Truth for help.
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2 comments:
it's not hypocrisy, the difference is CONSENT. people who are simply having sex outside of marriage (god forbid as teenagers!) are engaging in an act that both people have consented to. sexual offenders, rapists, molesters, whatever, they are doing something to another person without that person's consent. when two people "can't control themselves" together (and by the way, how many sexually active non-married people do you even talk to??), they are both making a decision. when someone RAPES another person, they are the only one making a decision. regardless of how you feel about premarital sex, it's completely ridiculous to compare two rationally minded people engaging in intercourse (both CONSENTING to it, if you will), with one person being so emotionally or mentally (or both) unstable that they violate another human being for their own sexual gratification or power play, or whatever it is. and i'm sorry, but attributing any sort of merit to the idea that these criminals are just like everyone else, the difference is that they can't get laid (seriously!?), is disgusting. there are enough people in this world who "can't get laid," but that in no way entitles them to some sort of special treatment or coddling. i know you are not saying that these people deserve any sort of pardon, but that is sort of the angle you're taking. you're comparing consensual sex to non-consensual sex and blaming secular society for being a bunch of hypocrites?
also, as a side note, not "being able to get laid" is not always even a problem for sexual offenders. a lot of times it's not even about sex, it's about control, power, dominance, etc. the mental and emotional issues that go into making a sexual offender run so deep, it's almost offensive to hear it written off as just some pathetic dudes that can't get some ass. that's not what it is.
yes, I'm comparing consensual and non-consensual sex, but it's not the point of consent that I'm arguing. I believe the hypocrisy comes from society's acceptance of two "out of control" people having sex (consensually) and condemnation of a single "out of control" person for having the same desire but no partner to share it with. And there is nothing "simple" about sex outside of marriage (God DOES forbid as teenagers!). Now, I totally agree that many rape/molestations are not about the sex at all, but that is a whole different matter. I'm commenting on those who have molested out of curiosity and lack of self-control.
Take one person who has a passionate attraction for another. In one case the other returns that attraction, and because they can't wait for marriage, as they should, they consent to sex and it is approved of by our culture. In the other case the other person can control their actions but the first *still* "can't control" their attraction so now that person is condemned.
My issue here is that when I talk to teenagers/young adults whose lives have been hurt or ruined by consensual sexual engagements and I ask why they didn't wait for marriage, they often respond with "I couldn't wait, the temptation was too great" or "it's in my nature and I can't deny it", etc. Truth is, those are lies and i don't think we should let people accept and believe that those are true statements. MY POINT IS, everybody does have control over their sexual actions - that's why we should condemn all sexual offenders and why we should also crack down on sex outside of marriage. Can't you see what damage it's causing to our people? the damage to the family structure? the damage to the illegitimate children who now have a stranger for a father or none whatsoever? The Bible gives these "rules" for our good, whether or not you believe in the Bible, its wisdom is undeniable.
You said: "i know you are not saying that these people deserve any sort of pardon, but that is sort of the angle you're taking." In fact I am taking the opposite extreme - we should not pardon those having sex without a lifelong commitment.
Finally, let me say that I have no need to defend myself to you or anyone else. but those who know me know that I go out of my way to befriend the people who are most messed up. I am friends with countless people who are sexually active and unmarried - some of whom have illegitimate children. In one of these broken families they call me an uncle because of how often I come around and how much love I show to the mother and father and daughter in a home that is void of love entirely! So until you know me, don't even think to question me. I am on no pedestal of spirituality but I am the lowest of all people. I am no better than anyone - I know it, and I show it!
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