Cancelled

I tried the online blogging thing, just isn't worth the attention. it'll be canceled soon enough.

18 Mar 2009

I'm finished with Winter quarter. Almost thought I wouldn't make it, but I pray to God that I made decent grades. Next quarter will only be two classes, 8 credits, and I'll be upping my hours at work. I'll also have to take the practice FE exam (electrical engineering certification) and find a job for after graduation. Thankfully, all of that is also in God's hands. Now, I can get back to fun reading - the Illiad! Not being sarcastic, I love the story. I've also decided that I want to take up some dance lessons. I'm joining my roommate for Lindy Hop 1 at Century Ballroom. I'm getting pretty excited for what's coming!

11 March 2009

I'm one week from being finished with my last, difficult quarter of college! Now, I still have one easy one left before graduating mid-June, but 8 credits v. 18 ... not gonna be hard.

Also tonight I experimented with cooking salmon. I was never taught how to cook anything when I was growing up, so its still kinda new. Since I've been out on my own, being influenced by my peers, working in a kitchen, and generally wanting to eat healthier, I've taken up cooking on my own. Actually, I don't have that many peers who cook much, which is why I just experimented with making salmon. In my eyes it was a success. I believe in not trying to tackle too much at once, or making it perfect the first time, so I used basic seasonings. It turned out tasting pretty good, but a tad overcooked. All I used was prepackaged seafood seasoning, lemon juice and garlic powder, then pan-fried it in butter on the stovetop and served over a bed of Jasmine rice from Trader Joe's. It did turn out to be pretty good, I just need to adjust the seasonings and cooking time. I certainly didn't use the most quality ingredients - though the salmon was a fresh Atlantic Salmon fillet on sale at QFC ($4.99/lb down from 8.99!), but next time I'll try mashing my own garlic, and maybe try creating my own seasoning. Still, I have the seafood seasoning, so I might just use that up too.

Oh, you might be wondering, "is he still on that diet listed below?" yes, but it's not exactly the same. Eggs have a high amount of cholesterol, so I subbed that out for tuna, salmon, and black beans. I also realized there was no grain fibers in my diet, so I added high-fiber, low-sugar cereal as well. I am still on it, and over the last 2 weeks, I've lost 10 lbs. I'm still going strong too! My urge to eat large portions, and to eat fatty, greasy, or sugary foods has declined a lot; and that's making it easier to keep this diet going. But I'll also admit, I'm not eating as much of the broccoli as I should.

That's it for now.

Diet and Health

So, anyone who's ever been overweight, or downright fat, knows what I'm talking about. We've all tried to diet. I know I've tried! So many times to practice a good diet and exercise, but for some reason it never worked. i think, maybe, I finally found something that'll work for me. After much meditation, and talking with a counselor and close friends, (it's taken me a while but) I've come to the conclusion that my downfall is that I believe food is a means to pleasure, stress release, relaxation, and a cure for boredom - none of which is the *reason* for food. Now, food can accomplish those things, as I've found out, but food exists to nourish and maintain our bodies. It is a blessing from God that food brings pleasure, but it is not the reason for eating.

So here's what I've done. I've committed to (and it just so happened to coincide with Lent) eat only rice, eggs, apples, broccoli, milk, SlimFast, coffee, and water for forty days. The point is to eat what will bring good nourishment, but at the same time, cause me to hate the food I eat. I've been doing it for a week, and so far it all seems to be going to plan. I really don't enjoy very much what I'm eating. I'm tired of it. This is causing me to eat only what I need to when I'm hungry, thereby creating a new habit of eating only when I'm hungry and saying no to eating when I just have an appetite. Once the 40 days are over though, I will continue the diet, but add in new foods, and progress to a more normal diet.

I'm finding it a challenge, when I am stressed or distressed, to not eat for pleasure. I mean, it's really challenging, but I'm glad I'm going through it. It's important that I learn to turn to God in my times of trouble and not some other source that dulls the pain, which I've done many times. So, this particular diet (which I just came up with myself one night) may seem strange, but it has many purposes and is contributing to all areas of health (physical, mental, and spiritual). Pray that I will continue to rely on Holy Spirit for my strength, always drawing strength from Him when I am weak; and that this will really create new habits of health and I won't relapse back into pleasure or stimulus dependence.

Changes

Changes in the circumstances of life are inevitable. Some are expected, some are not. Tonight my church held a meeting for the whole congregation wherein the pastoral staff shared that through much prayer and heartache, our senior pastor would be stepping down to continue following God's call in his life. One of our two associate pastors received a similar call to step down. The senior pastor isn't quite sure yet where God is leading him, but the other will be heading to Alabama to attend seminary. Our new head pastor is a man from the States, currently pastoring in Edinburgh. Everything lined up so that there could be no mistake this is the will of God, and though I'm excited for the changes that'll come about, I'm also sad to see good friends go. However, it's possible that I'll be leaving Seattle in the near future as well, and I'm afraid that will be a tremendously harder life change.

Getting Personal

So, I have another blog (that's private) so i can journal about things possibly too personal to share with just anyone who cares to read my public blog, but this particular one I just want to throw out there.

Last night (Sunday, 15-Feb '09) I worked my shift at the Boxcar Alehouse as usual till about 11pm or so. I joined some friends playing wii and drinking beer, and we had a good time. Around midnight, I was casually chatting with a guy who I've only known for about a month. it happened very naturally, and I'm not even sure how, but as we were talking this guy started opening up (he'd had a bit to drink, so that helps) and he shared really personal things about his life. Now, I could've broken the conversation and played wii, but for God's sake I wanted to listen to him talk.

I remembered, then, why I took this job, working at a bar, and it has nothing to do with selling booze or being around "sin" or having fun without God (like some people assume or accuse me of). I took this job so I could be among sinners without a Savior, so I could be a beacon of light and truth as Christ calls us to be in the gospels, so maybe - JUST MAYBE - some might be saved. What really matters in life is my salvation, the salvation of others, and being in relationship with God and people. I work at a bar because, in America (and most of the world), that's where hurting people go. That's where the weak and the poor go. That's where desperate, sad, lost, and depressed people go. And they are who Christ challenges us to be a servant to and a bringer of the Good News to!

And that's what I did last night. I listened and I shared my faith with him. I saw him again tonight (at work) and he admitted he had too much to drink last night, but the last thing he remembered was having a deep, meaningful conversation with me. He spoke of it like he hasn't had a mature conversation in years. he told me that he went home before 1am and stayed up till 3-4am thinking about our conversation. he admitted to me (the night before) that he never told anybody some of the stuff he told me, and I just hope that means he trusts me enough to open up again sometime. And if God is willing, this man will be given faith to believe in the gospel message and he will choose to leave behind his hurt and pain, that he so desperately clings to, and find peace, hope, and love. I hope he chooses Christ. I hope he chooses LIFE!

And yes, my personal posts usually are THIS long.

Getting stuff done

I consider myself a procrastinator and a pessimist (obviously I'm a pessimist since I only pointed out that negative things). Point being, I actually did my taxes early this year! got 'em done yesterday. Feels good, since I didn't owe anything but managed to squeak out a tiny +$47 from the fed.

And I finished my homework early today (just now) instead of finishing at 1 or 2 in the morning like usual. I had to skip some classes to do it, but it was worth it. Sometimes I think I'm a good student for going to all my classes regularly, but as long as I turn stuff in and take tests well, is it really necessary? I usually put off my homework, because just listening and learning in class is enough stress and i'm usually sick of the subject by the end. By skipping class, I can just do my homework and study as I go, which is working out better for me since I learn better by processing textbook info than by professors speeding through it. Unfortunately when you have a poor textbook, its a lot harder (see my textbook blog).

As it turns out though, skipping class once or twice a week is contributing to greater health and productivity, so why should I make myself go so i can feel like a good student.

Now, if I can just get my power supplies to work for my senior design ...

Textbooks

I was talking with one of my professors a couple months ago who's now on sabbatical, during which he plans to write a textbook. Why are textbooks usually so poorly written? He says there isn't much/any money in it, so most people just don't try - not worth the effort.

I gotta tell ya though, my electromagnetics textbook - aweful. According to the professors at SPU, it's the textbook for electromagnetics, but the author never explains or connects anything whereby we could actually learn how electromagnetics work. Everything once covered is assumed to be immediately understood and applicable in any and every way with no explanation within the chapter. Assuming even we could do this, the problems in the book stretch beyond the scope of the chapter, and even the entire book, making it extremely difficult to know or even have any idea of what the author is expecting as an answer.

I have a solutions manual, and even that doesn't clearly depict what is being done; the solutions don't match up or make sense with anything in the text. Textbooks are frustrating and people lacking the ability to teach shouldn't be allowed to write.

Thoughts and feelings

I was wondering today, do I reveal too much of myself or my life to my friends and the people around me? I usually take pride in that I'm an open book. I share with anyone who wants to hear what's going on in my life. In my mind, this is usually an attempt to get other people to open up. I usually follow up my comments with questions to them and hope they share, but almost everyone i talk to prefers not to say much. Most people don't want to open up about who they are, or some of them just don't want to talk about their day. I like telling people about the idiosyncrasies of my day, I think it makes life interesting and I can usually make them into fun or funny stories. But I don't really find other people doing this. Why is that? I'd like to hear more people talk about the little things that happened in their day without needing to pound it out of 'em (which I don't actually do).

Along that same line of thinking, you know that feeling you get when you have a "secret" and it feels pretty cool to have that little gem to yourself? What if people don't want to share those little things about their day because they would lose that feeling, like it was a unique experience just for them? I wonder if I'm missing out on that. Am I so transparent and revealing that I no longer have things in my life that are truly my own, but instead my life belongs to everybody?

Life

For the past few days I've been wondering to myself - why do I get up everyday? What do I live for? I find these question necessary to ask on a semi-regular basis to keep me grounded in my faith and see if there's anything else creeping into my life to take me away from God. I am deeply rooted in my faith and I know nothing can separate me from my Savior, but I don't think I'm giving him what I should.

School is piling on more work than I can handle. it's actually come to the point where I'm skipping class to make time for more homework. I enjoy the Christian Theology class I'm taking. My professor asked me to speak to the class today for a few minutes about my belief in open theism (the belief that God doesn't possess knowledge of a single, set future, but of an infinite possibility of futures we collaborate on to create). I don't give that class much of my time though. I spend most of my time studying Electromagnetics, Optics-&-Lasers, and my senior design project. I have to admit, I'm getting pretty tired of all three.

On a Lighter Note

I was looking over my blog and realized: I need some lighter material. Naturally, I'm pessimistic. I dwell on all my issues and think constantly about the issues my friends are going through. I love solving problems, so it's problems that occupy my mind. I thank God for my roommate who brought to my attention the need I have to be more positive. Being so pessimistic has more or less stripped from me of the joy I have in Christ. So here's a little bit about life.

School is keeping me really busy, and the homework is pretty overwhelming, but I'm enjoying the material. I'm taking four classes right now. Electromagnetics and Optics-&-Lasers are my two hardest classes, but i think once I understand the material, I'm going to really enjoy them. Christian Theology is a great class that is already making me think. First of all, don't confuse theology with philosophy (as I usually do), even though they do overlap in places. My theology class is still a little bit in the history portion, where we're learning how our general Christian theology has come to be what it is. How the New Testament canon of Scripture was formed, and how general doctrine was formed. most of our doctrines have come to be as a result of church-dividing disputes that were settled by the formation of a creed by top church leaders and theologians. All in all, this class is proving to be very informative and interesting. I'm also soldering parts onto PCBs for my senior design project and will start testing this week.

Work is also going well. i work at a bar, in magnolia, as a short-order cook. I like to branch out though and help the bartenders whenever food business is slow (which is a lot of the time) or bar business is heavy. i enjoy the people I work with and a lot of the customers make good conversation.

Things at church are really chaotic, but we're all growing closer through the crises we're facing together. I'm really blessed to be in a church with such healthy leadership and solid doctrine.

And yes, I still make some time to spend hanging out with friends.

Submission, Justification, and Homosexuality

The past month has been one of the most challenging friendship-maintenance months on record. Over the past 6-12 months, I've been watching friends, and church family members close to me, deny the moral truths of Scripture to support their own need for completeness. I understand the struggle to deny one's self as a sacrifice to our Lord, Jesus Christ, and I know how tempting it is to want to justify sinful actions so that we won't have to battle them anymore. But because of the Christian family I'm a part of, and the conviction of the Spirit I try to be sensitive to as I read the Bible, I stand strong in the truth of Scripture and the morality is prescribes.

A great deal of understanding is required to discern what biblical moral principles apply to all people at all times, and what others apply only to the culture in which it was written (or was written for). The most prevalent struggle in Seattle is that of same-sex attraction (SSA). I've read books written by people on each side of the issue. Some Christian authors reinterpret Scripture with a strong bias toward justifying homosexuality, and have managed to twist Scripture to say what suits them. Satan has this old trick down pat. I've also read (ex-gay) authors who did not let themselves be deceived by the lies and, as a result, they have found freedom from their sin. By freedom, I mean that although they probably still struggle with SSA to a point; but they don't indulge in its lustful desires, they don't let it destroy their marriages/families, and they don't justify their perverted passions - they submit to Christ. All people struggle with lust or some other habitual sin, but neither can we indulge, fantasize, act on, or especially justify those desires if we are to gain victory over them.

Whatever your take on homosexuality though, the more frightening part is that many of them use their SSA as an excuse to commit other sins more blatantly forbidden in the Bible. If one made the mistake of marrying a person of the opposite sex while still hiding their same-sex attraction, that doesn't give them the right to violate their marriage covenant through divorce or adultery - yet that's exactly what's happening! Unless I'm mistaken, there's no small print in the vows that states "if I'm attracted to my own gender, then divorce or adultery is permissible."

Take the case of a married man with SSA. If he chooses to act on his same sex passions and fantasies, and cheats on his wife, he's guilty of adultery! Some have justified this and even called their adulterous lovers "a gift from God." How sad. Now, if the couple divorces as a direct result of the infidelity, I think that keeps the woman out of sin, but the husband is still guilty of breaking the marriage covenant. Even if the man doesn't commit adultery, if the couple agrees to a divorce, then the man (and maybe the woman too) are both guilty of sin. Unfortunately, Seattle, and many other places around the world, disregard Scripture in this case because "homosexuals can't help it." Isn't that the same excuse heterosexual adultery is using to justify its infidelity? - I couldn't help it.

So what are we, the church, called to do to and for our struggling friends? What should our response be to those who embrace their SSA as a gift from God? What about for those who divorce for this reason? Adulterers? Should they be cast out of the church for embracing their sin? Certainly we should remember that they are still God's children and we are to love them as brothers and sisters, but what does that look like?

The Christian Church

Inevitably, this was going to arise as an issue, which, for the purposes of this blog, predates issues I will later write. Societal norms and pop culture are, as they have done countless times, shaping the way in which Christians live and form moral standpoints. I can speak of my experience only as a Seattle resident, but I gather it is prevalent all over the states and maybe worldwide too.

The Christian church in Seattle is being greatly impacted by the societal norms of liberal, humanistic morality. No longer is it okay to condemn "borderline" or disputable immoral practice. Former members of my church, in particular, are sidestepping basic Christian morals and supporting their feelings and experience as true and right. Rather than challenging their experiences in light of Scripture or talking it over with church leaders, these members are embracing sinful ways of living and justifying it by personal experience. The little training I have in theology showed me that many people practice bad theology by interpreting the Bible by their experiences (conforming the Bible to justify their experiential truth) rather than interpreting their actions by Scriptural truth.

This leads me into some rather frustrating situations. Anytime I try to challenge a person I see in sin with Scripture, they try to avoid it. Because they can't back up their interpretation of their experiences, they avoid Biblical conversations. They decline wisdom from me, Scripture, and spiritual leaders (their own pastors).

The greatest sin that has arisen is that of self-gratification. A number of people are justifying sinful practice by claiming it will bring happier lives. whether or not that's true, doesn't scripture have the final say on what's right? take divorce for example. The Bible allowed divorce for only the most necessary reasons (death and infidelity). Christians are now justifying that divorce is okay because it will "improve their quality of life." But that doesn't line up with Scripture. Scripture doesn't say, "if you think it will make you happier, it's okay." Rather it lays down some specific guidelines that are not to be broken.

The deeper issue, though, is that of personal surrender. If one is in a situation they don't think is the best fit for them, it is more important (in their view) to accept committing a "necessary" sin for "the greater good." (the "greater good" theology can be used to justify just about any sin, and so should be considered bad theology). Christians (some) would rather seek their own happiness and "need" to be true to themselves rather than follow the written word of God. Is that really the a healthy Christian? or even a Christian, period? Doesn't being a Christian mean that you are willing to sacrifice ALL for Him? Even Abraham was willing to sacrifice his son out of faithfulness to God, and if he's like most loving fathers, he loved his son more than his own life. When God demands something, shouldn't we strive to give it to him? I pray that the Christian church will stand by its principles and right morality, not giving in to the sin that so easily entangles. May God have mercy on their souls, and the Spirit of power convict their hearts.