I was wondering today, do I reveal too much of myself or my life to my friends and the people around me? I usually take pride in that I'm an open book. I share with anyone who wants to hear what's going on in my life. In my mind, this is usually an attempt to get other people to open up. I usually follow up my comments with questions to them and hope they share, but almost everyone i talk to prefers not to say much. Most people don't want to open up about who they are, or some of them just don't want to talk about their day. I like telling people about the idiosyncrasies of my day, I think it makes life interesting and I can usually make them into fun or funny stories. But I don't really find other people doing this. Why is that? I'd like to hear more people talk about the little things that happened in their day without needing to pound it out of 'em (which I don't actually do).
Along that same line of thinking, you know that feeling you get when you have a "secret" and it feels pretty cool to have that little gem to yourself? What if people don't want to share those little things about their day because they would lose that feeling, like it was a unique experience just for them? I wonder if I'm missing out on that. Am I so transparent and revealing that I no longer have things in my life that are truly my own, but instead my life belongs to everybody?
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3 comments:
Not everybody is comfortable sharing personal information, because there's some level of vulnerability associated with it. And while the idea of being the person in whom people confide and share their stories and secrets may be alluring (there's some sense of control and power associated with it), the information-sharing componant of a relationship is something that just happens (or doesn't happen) naturally. It is the consequence of a relationship, not the catalyst for it. It happens (or doesn't happen) as a result of the dynamic of the people involved.
I think you're over-analyzing it.
Agreed. I guess I just wonder why I'm always unconcerned with being vulnerable and everybody else seems SO concerned about it. Besides, just sharing the stories about one's day isn't that "revealing." I must just be a horrible conversationalist or have one of those really untrustworthy faces :-p
Well, your upbringing and/or your biology dictates whether or not you're going to feel a sense of vulnerability, and since you have little control over that sense, I wouldn't spend much time wondering why people have differing degrees of sensitivity to it. Just be aware that you're not so aware of it.
This makes me think of my wife's color-blindness. Her biology prevents her from differentiating between particular hues of green and red, and as such, she perceives the world differently than I do. She's less sensitive to color changes (autumn is different for her than it is for me), and there's not much to be analyzed about it, except to simply be aware that people view things differently.
I must just be a horrible conversationalist or have one of those really untrustworthy faces.
Or you're pessimistic and tend to over-analyze in a downward direction. I think what's more likely the issue is that your lack of awareness/sensitivity to the vulnerability issue might cause you to overstep some social boundaries, and you might not easily pick up on cues that people give off to let you know that they're a little uncomfortable. Specifically, sometimes sharing information will cause others to withdraw, because it can be awkward to be on the receiving end of personal information.
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